Kame No Tabi (A Turtle's Travels)

Well, as Jenn says here, Jennifer and I have been on a 10-day detox thingy called "Ultra Clear Plus" since wednesday of last week. We decided to do it because Jenn wants to make sure it's not her diet that is causing her goiter and the nodules in her thyroid. Jenn also gets occasional stabbing pain in the area of her liver, and this is supposed to be an excellent liver detoxifying regiment.

We decided to augment the regiment a little bit because Jenn was absolutely exhausted and getting light-headed and feeling like she was going to pass out even when we had eliminated just sugars, meats, dairy, eggs, and gluten. Dropping down to the extremely limited diet of days 5-7 was going to be WAY too much for Jennifer, in both of our opinions. So we decided to just do days 5-7 with fruits and vegetables only.

We originally were going to go on the Rakowski cleanse, which is a MUCH more restrictive detox program (you're only allowed to eat 1 type of green vegetable a day, and nothing else except that, water, and the "medical food" they provide) The reason we were going to try it is because my dad (who is extremely overweight and has COPD) was prescribed it by his heart doctor, and he had very good results with it, feeling much more energized by it. However, when we went to talk to the doctor to get the "medical food", the guy we got it from recommended that we do this less restrictive detox instead, because they only use the Rakowski cleanse for their most extreme cases.

The problem is, this detox is kicking my ass. :P I'm tired and achy and hungry. *pouts, all whiny-faced* I think the worst thing for me is giving up sugar & caffeine. Jenn doesn't drink much caffeine, but I like to have my 1-liter of Dr. Pepper a day (I know it seems like a lot, but a lot of people drink coffee, I prefer Dr. Pepper) Also, I *LOVE* sugar. I have a hell of a sweet tooth, and I know it.

I have insanely intense headaches, extreme fatigue, stomach ache, loose stools, and body aches with this detox. Has anyone else out there on my f-list done a cleanse/detox? Did you have similar side effects? Which one did you try and what were your results?

Ooooh! A three part post!! On things COMPLETELY unrelated to each other!

Part 1
Piss off, Kia. My Kia Rio has an ANNOYING "feature" where if you lock the doors using the keyless thingy, and then use the key to open the trunk, the car alarm goes off. WTF?? Argh. Because EVERYONE knows that if you someone is using the keys to open the trunk of a locked car, THEY MUST BE A CAR THIEF!! Argh.

Okay, I thought maybe it was an overlooked little thing, BUT NO. THEY TALK ABOUT IT IN THE USER MANUAL! SEE?



JEEZ! In the stages of planning/designing this, I think the conversation went like this:
Engineer 1 - Oops! The alarm goes off when you open the trunk! Crap, I don't wanna have to fix that!
Engineer 2 - Ah, don't sweat it dude. We'll just stick a little blurb in the user's manual and tell everyone it's a "feature".
Engineer 1 - Awesome! Then we can go smoke a bowl! Plus, everyone knows that anyone trying to get into the trunk of a locked car is up to no good anyway. No way that they would be someone with their hands full of things to put into said trunk.
Engineer 2 - Exactly! What was that you said about smoking a bowl? I was going to design a button to open the trunk onto the remote start and fix the front fog lights so they stopped falling off whenever you looked at them funny, but your plan sounds a lot more fun!

There, writing that little thingy amused me and now I'm not as annoyed at being embarrassed by the Mikey Mobile making a racket when I tried to put something in the trunk this afternoon.

---
Part 2
http://mercatus.org/freedom-50-states-2011

WTF?? South Dakota is the second "free-est" state?? SOUTH DAKOTA??? Whatever! They must have somehow overlooked the fact that we've tried to OUTLAW abortion like 3 times, and that we've tried to get something passed to outlaw gay marriage? *facepalm*

---
Part 3
I KNOW that everyone's got this lil Turtle pet thingy, but I wanted to make one :D

Ok, Jenn wanted me to write this up, so here I go.

((this isn't proofread, so forgive any glaring errors, please))( What? Wiccans are rude? )

FUCK YOU Wells fargo and your overdraft charges! Spending a total of $29.62 over what I have DOES NOT give you fuckers permission to charge me $500 in overdraft charges!!! And HOW MANY TIMES do I have to tell you that Midamerican Energy is NOT ALLOWED to take money out of my account!?! I *KNOW* I've told you AT LEAST twice! ARGH! *smacks the bank around* Asshats! Coming home to an account balance of -$586.16 does NOT a happy Mica make! *grumbles*

Ok, a little clarification to this post yesterday. Bandanas is an OKAY descriptor for what the turtles wear (tho it makes me think of more of a du-rag type thing.) but eyemask is just SUCH a better word for it! :P

THESE are annoying descriptors in my book:
1. Headbands (Brings to mind a valley girl turtle, complete with 80s bangs.. ack! scary!)
2. Kerchiefs (Little old Lady Mutant Ninja Turtles?)
3. Scarfs! (Thanks, moronqueen I forgot this one!)

Also, these are only acceptable VERY sparingly (or if the story is from a POV of someone who doesn't know the turtles' names yet)
a. {color}-banded
b. {color}-wearing
c. {color}-loving
d. {color}-clad

If you want to use bandana, that is your prerogative, and it is acceptable. I just prefer eyemask because it paints a better picture in my mind.

PS. Please call them mask tails or bandana tails. I don't remember what scary descriptor word I saw the other day, but it made mica very sad. Now I rememeber what it was! Someone called them TASSELS! ARGH! NINJA TURTLES ARE NOT SHRINERS!!

Dear Annoying Cat,
I realize you love me and all that. And I realize that it is in your nature to do so, since you are a cat. However, MY TOES ARE NOT CHEW TOYS! Especially at 3 AM!!! Please file this into your memory bank under "Very Important Facts".

Thank you,
~Mica