I'm a jerk. Jenn needs someone better.

[micaturtle]

I am an asshole. I don't deserve Jenn and she would be completely justified if she decided to leave me...

*sai*



Looking back over my past journal entries, I realize I haven't said much of what has happened. The situation is this: my girlfriend, Jennifer, has had some bad experiences with incest, and to be supportive, I told promised her I would refrain from reading or looking at turtlecest.

Anyway, last night Jennifer looked through my browser history and found that I had read some turtlecest stories in the last few weeks. ... I can't and won't make excuses for my behavior. I'm a liar and a jerk.

I am so frustrated with myself. Even after all the hullabaloo I've made about turtlecest, I went and read it. It's VERY hard for me to admit, and a bit embarrassing, but turtlecest is interesting to me. However, the interest is exclusively because it's ninja turtles. In all of my other fandoms, incest squicks me!

However, there is no excuse for what I did. I lied to and deceived the most important person in my life. I feel like dirt. I am dirt. :[

The sad thing is, even if I say I will never do it again, I'm not sure if I can mean it. Does that mean I'm an evil and/or weak person? ... probably. *sai* Even if I *WAS* able to completely and truthfully vow that I would never ever look at t-cest again, Jenn wouldn't be able to believe me because A) I've lost her trust, and B) I've made this mistake and looked at turtlecest before and then I had promised at that time to never look at it again before... a promise I sadly broke.

I'm such a heel.

PLEASE VERBALLY ABUSE ME IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. I COMPLETELY DESERVE IT.

Comments

[fina-j.livejournal.com]

Hey, hold on!
Did I cause friction? I know I can be oblivious to stuff sometimes, and I know I do things on a really fly by scale, but I understand that people have lives and work, and I really don't expect you to drop everything and hang out with me.
As for the turtlecest stuff, just keep working on it. When you first start giving up stuff like that it can be really hard (and on occasion people can fall through the cracks). All you can do get up the next day, start over and try to do better; also go to the 3rd party so you can work on your communication and have a negotiations officer present.
Sorry, I'm late in replying. I haven't looked at this site for awhile.

[micaturtle.livejournal.com]

No, you didn't cause any friction, Kat. Don't worry about it. I made a bad choice. She wasn't even really mad that I went out with you, she was mad because I didn't TELL her. It was my bad.

Awww, thanks so much for the vote of support. I will just try to do better. :)