Drama Llama pt 3
Apr. 2nd, 2010 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
micaturtleWow... 3 entries in 3 days. I know I don't usually do that. However, I started reporting on this drama, I must follow through.
Before I get to the important stuff though. Just a few things. Jenn & I are going to Utah on April 13th thru the 18th. :) Jenn will be getting trigger-point injections before we leave on the 13th. Jenn's parents REALLY want to see her, so they are paying for our airfare out there. It's pretty awesome of them. Just thought I'd note that here. :D
Also, I am going to Sioux City this weekend with my friends to see Avenue Q. It's gonna be fun. Jennifer keeps not wanting to go because she wants to have some time to recover from this stressful week. However, I think she will have fun and also it's not good for her to sit home all alone, so I'm making her come along.
Jennifer and I went to our therapist last night. We talked about what happened. I know that I should be able to do this without going to the therapist, but I was so afraid that Jenn was going to leave me and/or dump me.
Also, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to promise to work very hard at never looking at t-cest again, but I have made that promise before. I didn't know how to convey that I wasn't just talking out of my ass, and saying what I thought Jenn wanted to hear. I realize now that there is no way to just say it. I have to show it by earning her trust again. That takes time and work. *sai*
The therapist suggested that I might have a mild addiction to porn. I'm not sure I agree with that. I think addiction is too strong of a word. Hell, even obsession is a bit too strong of a word, IMO. She suggested that I go to counseling alone and talk to someone about it. At first, I was opposed to it, feeling that it would be rather useless to go without Jenn with me. However, after discussing it further, I realized that I just might not be able to see the whole of my problem because I am looking at it from the inside. (A point that was reinforced when I came home and found a comment by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
0cean that kinda said/thought the same thing)
I agreed to try therapy on my own for a few sessions and work on my problem. I don't know if it will help, but I am willing to give it a fair chance. (I know, I know, I sound like the stereotypical problem case, "therapy wont work!" ... bad mica!)
I will schedule the therapy sessions when Jenn & I get back from Utah, so they can coincide with Jenn's massage appointments (since her massage therapist is in the same building) I don't like adding yet ANOTHER expense to my already stretched budget, but Jenn is SO much more than worth it. She's my wonderful sweety-heart.
I feel a LOT better. I know Jenn is still a bit nervous because she thinks I'm going to change my mind about going to therapy (since my first gut reaction was to say no) However, the more time that passes, the better and more sure I feel in my decision to go to therapy. If it does nothing but remind me how much it hurts Jenn when I break my promises, then it's worth it. I know I made the right choice staying with my Jennifer.
Before I get to the important stuff though. Just a few things. Jenn & I are going to Utah on April 13th thru the 18th. :) Jenn will be getting trigger-point injections before we leave on the 13th. Jenn's parents REALLY want to see her, so they are paying for our airfare out there. It's pretty awesome of them. Just thought I'd note that here. :D
Also, I am going to Sioux City this weekend with my friends to see Avenue Q. It's gonna be fun. Jennifer keeps not wanting to go because she wants to have some time to recover from this stressful week. However, I think she will have fun and also it's not good for her to sit home all alone, so I'm making her come along.
Jennifer and I went to our therapist last night. We talked about what happened. I know that I should be able to do this without going to the therapist, but I was so afraid that Jenn was going to leave me and/or dump me.
Also, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to promise to work very hard at never looking at t-cest again, but I have made that promise before. I didn't know how to convey that I wasn't just talking out of my ass, and saying what I thought Jenn wanted to hear. I realize now that there is no way to just say it. I have to show it by earning her trust again. That takes time and work. *sai*
The therapist suggested that I might have a mild addiction to porn. I'm not sure I agree with that. I think addiction is too strong of a word. Hell, even obsession is a bit too strong of a word, IMO. She suggested that I go to counseling alone and talk to someone about it. At first, I was opposed to it, feeling that it would be rather useless to go without Jenn with me. However, after discussing it further, I realized that I just might not be able to see the whole of my problem because I am looking at it from the inside. (A point that was reinforced when I came home and found a comment by
0cean that kinda said/thought the same thing)I agreed to try therapy on my own for a few sessions and work on my problem. I don't know if it will help, but I am willing to give it a fair chance. (I know, I know, I sound like the stereotypical problem case, "therapy wont work!" ... bad mica!)
I will schedule the therapy sessions when Jenn & I get back from Utah, so they can coincide with Jenn's massage appointments (since her massage therapist is in the same building) I don't like adding yet ANOTHER expense to my already stretched budget, but Jenn is SO much more than worth it. She's my wonderful sweety-heart.
I feel a LOT better. I know Jenn is still a bit nervous because she thinks I'm going to change my mind about going to therapy (since my first gut reaction was to say no) However, the more time that passes, the better and more sure I feel in my decision to go to therapy. If it does nothing but remind me how much it hurts Jenn when I break my promises, then it's worth it. I know I made the right choice staying with my Jennifer.
